december (the ending is not)

wide eyes transformed into quicksand
like black holes bending the dim light
and an instinct that forced me to stay

last year's hallways resounding still hollow
the cold lights, the glass nights, the circles
in a wasteland outstretched for miles

irresistible choices were fated
in a story of dark twists and left turns
for the one door i could not but close

so you slept, you hid and still clung to
a fairy tale turned into nightmare
not the life that was ripe to reclaim

of a sudden, however, you came to
something gave, and the floodgates thrown open
of a sudden you showed up alive

to windward now facing the unknown
this year of rebirth whispers wisdom
leave to die that which left you to die

(2023)

---

to shape the void

once more, against the cold winds riding
all too familiar sights abound
once more into the abyss smiling
cocoon, swallow me gently

for the dream ends where the dream's ends
let me sink into the dreamless
and dissolve into a shapeless
where it smiles back at me

whisper softly, sweet empty
whisper softly and smile
travel time now, sweet empty
dissolve, dissolve, dis-


remember once upon the tiles
soaked fingertips seeking in vain

remember the wish once forbidden
no one would ever, ever know

remember how impossible
that image as painful as vivid

remember the vision, remember
wake up and give it shape


wake up, wake up, whisper softly
breathe in, breathe out, coalesce
let me cry now, sweet empty
now you smile back at me

(2023)

---

on the tides

when roiling seas throw waves too tall
encroaching on the land
to rise and clash outside that wall
unfaltering you stand

upon a sturdy fortress built
to last through ages gone
but water knows not grudge nor guilt
in time it must move on

no monument shall yet outlive
those forces of the deep
to shut them off - what would i give
such turmoil do they reap

left writhing, drowning, cold and weak
alone in all but name
the words i must not ever speak
i pray them all the same

their push and pull become a theme
in vain i still implore
because i want, i have to scream
what is it even for

and yet - i see how unfulfilled
it's written in your eyes
consumed by yearning never stilled
you, too, look to the skies

(2023)

---

alice IX (rubicon)

underneath a burning why
and searing, aching blue-like sky
to shallow depths we cast the die

with the sound of a match gently stricken
by the river mouth, a squandered chance
by the river mouth we shall not dance
on tiptoe over scorching sand

why ever would the heat abate
what little passion left irate
at mere behest it cannot sate

convulsing empty, lost and charred
last embers of a wistful heart
for death spells a belated card

with the sound of a match gently stricken
by the river mouth washed ashore
by the river mouth, nevermore
on tiptoe over scorching sand

with the sound of a match gently stricken
by the river mouth, all shades of keen
behold the ocean - sweet, sweet gasoline
wake up and smell the ashes

(2023)

---

minotaur

around and into corners stretched
once upon a footnote etched

with battered fingers searching blind
to piece apart a listless mind

trace wall to wall through every room
divine the words that spell yet doom

monster wretched, ask not why
loathsome, lonesome, 'tis but i

sentenced to the end of days
cast into that endless maze

relentless terror built from stone
like glass i stand to break alone

last vestiges of futile grace
lost into darkness giving chase

thus enter hero, mesmerize
the forlorn fate to finalize

down to strike me, strong and deft
relieve me of what fight still left

(2023)

---

snapshots of a new era

outside i pace in the scent of night
the wasteland lies dark, alien and homely
from siren songs to remind me of prison
in the hallway of tears i can hide for a while

a sound, a touch, an angel's voice
golden words drop like the weight
swift fingers mark ascension's countdown
and on your face a hint of understanding

warm wind paints today in soap bubbles and dust
i watch the beginnings of many a story
over and over we turn the wheel of fortune
against all odds we have each come full circle

from the depths rings the bringer of dawn
in a stark contrast between two worlds
thus here i stand - the known unknown
the open book, the phoenix risen

where gods of the ancients still walk amongst us
a spectacle of vibrant color we all become
let us spread wings and fly together
witness me dancing with the greats

(2023)

---

pretty little puzzle pieces

my tendency for the allegorical
historical never merely metaphorical
ideas best unstructured and yet categorical
the question marks us answers not rhetorical

i'm digging for some pretty little buried treasure
do i have to spell out my displeasure
hammer it home for good measure
y'all only ever listen at your leisure

with a notoriety for shocking impiety
in bold strokes you paint us a society
no room for desperately much-needed variety
just rigid caricatures of our anxiety

always synthetic and a bit pathetic
thin line between apathetic and frenetic
let's talk memetic, call it, if you will, poetic
neither hypothetic nor prophetic

meanwhile you got no time for archaeology
refuse to see the extent of totality
and maybe, just maybe, you owe me an apology
not some weak-ass tautology delivered at my eulogy

(2023)

---

day 846

i drew a bridge into the sand
your catalyst
my sacrifice
we only do what we must

everywhere you would step but across
out of sight
out of line
out of your goddamned mind

with words like thousand needles
how deep you cut
how long i bleed
together we shall drain all blood of meaning

let us not embrace before the grand collapse
and then it falls
and when we fall
one day you will understand the gravity

we raised glasses to a fragile peace
here's to our time
here's to the end
now feel wind scatter the remains

(2023)

---

train of thought / masquerade

once upon a whisper not a shout
customizable bore and sacrificed fear
utterly bland like all the rest here
gotta check it out get it checked out
so anyway here's music for sore ears

derail, derail (to no avail)
let it slip, let it slip (just a little bit)
gotta run, gotta run (the dance is on)

when trains collide the safest place
back at the back not back on track
and just in case enchase this phrase
it sounds like martian ack ack ack
so anyway go back to outer space

such potential tap, tap, tap
(just a bit, just a bit)
give me prizes, clap, clap, clap
(let it slip, let it slip)

on stakes as high as are as dee
makes all things always out to be
like snails impaled once more curtailed
i ran and slipped again derailed
so anyway just a fairytale

(the obscure experience of being
so well-adjusted and -behaved
that no one ever ever everest
from the highest mountain to
the deepest deep is deeper
you got to love this language
definitely a keeper more like
half a dozen in a trenchcoat
also that rhyme's an odd one out
so anyway where was i)

(2023)

---

moonstruck

restless head keeps wandering, unable to think straight
stuck in circles, pondering, on that day fixate
one thought in endless loop, spell bound and caught in one fell swoop

was intrigued when you stood out, and all the signs were there
had no idea just how good, what magic in the air
now i can hardly wait, to seize this chance i shall not hesitate

on the spur of the moment, as time and spirits fly
let's just keep on going and rise up to the sky

in lasting high so captivating, i dare not say it loud
when every word found resonating that palace in the clouds
a kindred mind, it's almost spooky, inside those moony eyes
astonished how such dreamlike beauty can wake the butterflies

amazed just how immense, how fast it became clear
candidly, it's so intense i'm overwhelmed to tears
moonstruck, head over heels - i know, it sounds a bit surreal

on the spur of the moment, as time and spirits fly
let's just keep on going and rise up to the sky

in lasting high so captivating, i dare not say it loud
when every word found resonating that palace in the clouds
a kindred mind, it's almost spooky, inside those moony eyes
astonished how such dreamlike beauty can wake the butterflies

(2023)

---

a little spicy

never got the hang in there
in a mad rush must this engage
run like a common thread the needle
poised on a blurry line lapse

rise and fall flat out of control
still got another more to wage
let's cut to the chase loose ends
add some flavor to will in the gaps

to hold me close off another chance
settle into that fast minute rage
it's bad form upon a pattern
just one or too spicy perhaps

(2023)

---

omega

the black crystal cracks with a thundering roar
the face of the goddess is breached
refulgence behold in the quake of this voice
as the dream of divine love is reached

the word at the start, from the abyss deep down
begins pouring out into the night
nascent echoes of cosmos within blazing storms
an explosion of absolute light

soon future burns down from celestial heights
like thousands of suns glowing red
when stars are ignited in luminous spray
we shall suffer the tiniest death

souls shine resplendent from glistering heat
for the great oblivion we thirst
blinding the frenzy of spirits enrapt
to give rise to a new universe

(2023)

---

pandora's box

on borrowed time rings hollow on a rollercoaster ride
she who rises from a state of drawn-out suicide
gradual, perpetual, the slow-burn casual trauma
somehow survived that subliminal epic drama

escaped from desperate recycled anonymity
renewed with energy, goes magnetic in proximity
unleashed with just the right dose of extravagant
perfectly defect - what fuels your bafflement

why sprinkle salt on wounds like gawking from the grandstand
not so funny throwbacks to some quirky wasteland
why make her hum those off-key tunes about a time that wasn't
eerily cheery requiem for disasters measured by the dozen

assurances don't matter if they shatter with impunity
proclaim it's all the same to you then retract quietly
why execute what disputes all she constitutes
inaction betrays the words you speak in absolutes

(2023)

---

incandescent

a spectacle to celebrate
i'm grateful to participate
tonight grants me the circumstance
one glimpse into such radiance

long overdue and well deserved
next door your laughter, full of verve
and more than ever, soon at hand
first step to dream's fruition grand

however small, i did my bit
thus may you revel, fire lit
dots reconnect and strike that path
now blossom in the aftermath

awash in colors bright and true
most treasured memory of you
by afterglow in infrared
with renewed power forge ahead

(2023)

---

not even gods

by cries not even gods withstand
to stay unfazed i can't pretend
witness to the fallout of your wars

in pointless pursuit to the end
empty-handed, built on sand
chasing lifelines in this house of cards

once more hanging by a thread
your frail collection of regret
answers become writing on the wall

is this what justifies the dread
the final day, the course is set
no words of mine might ever stop the fall

when each farewell could be the last
whatever strength left to hold fast
i dare not entertain what lurks below

obscured until the die is cast
waste no more breath on shadows past
be here, be now, the way is to let go

(2023)

---

lucky

you might not understand this song
but still i know you'd play along
by proxy, maybe - also sweet
in time your mom for you may read

some bundle full of energy
you grab attention cleverly
a live wire in black and white
how sad the fool you cannot smite

at long last you were gladly saved
to find the love you always craved
with kisses, treats and snuggles rife
here's to you living your best life

(2023)

---

metronome

like sleepwalking i wander in a daze
the hall of broken mirrors set ablaze
in search of fivefold mutual desire
my restless soul dragged naked to the pyre

vain reflections, they bleed colors so delicious
in ardent dreams they linger, still ambitious
yet on my lips the taste of mere indulgence
i hunger in the face of this abundance

listened to, but never understood
heavy pumps the rhythm in my blood
footsteps to the saddest metronome
desolate the world i have to roam

rejection and perfection hand in hand
ease turn struggle, wish become command
for idle threats and empty promises
i open up to fill the emptiness

vain reflections, they bleed colors so delicious
in ardent dreams they linger, still ambitious
yet on my lips the taste of mere indulgence
i hunger in the face of this abundance

how come nothing i can say
how come i never hold such sway
my fingers to the bone i'm still clawing for the throne
when silent stay the tunes i get to dance all on my own

how come it's always just the same
how come alone i stand aflame
like a cruel repeated joke i keep trying to evoke
a fire without fuel should collapse in ash and smoke

vain reflections, they bleed colors so delicious
in ardent dreams they linger, still ambitious
yet on my lips the taste of mere indulgence
i hunger in the face of this abundance

(2023)

---

december (alternate ending)

ready fortune, ours to claim
towards future, steady aim
a granted wish to end the pain

sprouting like the spark we felt
flames were fanned and hearts enspelled
crimson as the knife beheld

we soared into the night sky soon
and danced under a winter moon
that wrist not clutched one deadly noon

a place for eyes and souls to meet
we shared embraces, warm and sweet
you ran across that fateful street

(2023)

---

queen of hearts

sometimes forgotten why we play
the hands we're given every day
you came along to show the way
that power sorely missed

commit, retreat, discard, attack
embrace the heat or burn the deck
like time we're never given back
those moments filled with bliss

exquisitely when you might deign
but never asking why you reign
and still i drag on through the pain
not ready for this loss

for what if, say, i chose not wise
if this is how the vision dies
bleak options i feel on the rise
a bridge too hard to cross

on fertile ground for seeds of doubt
from joining up to checking out
mere number you can toss about
a fool that goes in blind

of feints i never should allow
and playing games so tired now
belay that thorny thought somehow
shunned to the egde of mind

for i'm not what you truly seek
can't be the one that makes you weak
the name you never dare to speak
no, i am but a toy

a stopgap chance, a little bite
just holding out for lightning strike
so tell me what your end game's like
what's my part in this ploy

(2023)

---

eye of the storm

precious moments to find few and far between
from rapture to rock bottom i careen
in this limbo squirming, can you see me crawl
and i wonder why you had to build that wall
outside this fortress i must scrounge perhaps
for stray saving grace like table scraps

without you there is no shelter from the storm
soaked under clouds with naught to keep me warm
by these phantoms all alone i am beset
the dark thoughts that i can't ever forget
a foe against which i cannot defend
at horizon's promise looms the bitter end

resurgence of despair i can't erase
and distant hopeful echoes i must chase
united in resistance we sustain
restlessly we march on through the rain
disregard the fell call of the void
near fatal but we will not be destroyed

in your presence i take shelter from the storm
you shield me from the clouds and keep me warm
whenever by these phantoms i'm beset
the dark thoughts only you make me forget
a foe against which you and i defend
together we will hold on till the end

(2023)

---

fallen angel

wingless i stand in the stench of defeat
glued to the ground, the curse all over me
and that which fills the silence with whispers
i drink its bitter blend of truth and rumour

vain desire out of balance and time
false hopes between eternity and oblivion
why fill this restless heart to the brim
condemned to yearn i must sacrifice

somehow those elusive moments still find me
they trickle fast through my fingers like sand
salvation so close i can almost touch it
taunting and haunting, for i am not worthy

(2023)

---

incomplete

the fool's quest ends only one way
futile and cold after leftover chances
withheld like the missing pieces

never enough and always deprived
into a form forever unreachable
it fails to evoke that sensation

when it whispers those lies again
in which mere semblance cannot
none would fill that hollow outline

it fails to evoke that sensation
withheld like the missing pieces
in which mere semblance cannot

none would fill that hollow outline
never enough and always deprived
futile and cold after leftover chances

into a form forever unreachable
when it whispers those lies again
the fool's quest ends only one way

(2023)

---

canvas

beyond wishes of old we are touched by the night
until dawn, like a candle, for warmth shall ignite
sprung from the tears and the joy that we share
in the depths of my heart i can still sense its flare

on the surface mere hints spectral facets reveal
making room for the complex reflections we steal
into twilight, the space in between, we submerge
to shoulder the weight of a whole universe

in the wake of times past when i hear you retell
the lore of things true and the myths to dispel
those stories of you light and shadow inscribe
entrusted to listen to you as my guide

into colors and shapes all these memories weave
in rare quiet moments, they grant us reprieve
a body turned poem, your canvas is skin
like the beautiful soul that shines from within

i trace every curve, every intricate line
want to read every word, every verse, every rhyme
drawn like a map for the journey we chose
and the dream of a day when you hold me close

(2023)

---

atlas³

from focal points of history
cast into triple mystery
thus threefold must the answer be

to lift the weight, to pay the price
just why - i merely rolled the dice
it's weird that it has happened thrice

in lion's den one lies asleep
amidst the stars one cannot weep
into adventure one shall leap

(2023)

---

spent

live and sustain
stride with love and grace
therein lies all purpose
hold tight and let go

thus poured day after day
wherefrom never ask
dine, dine on that fire
always more, drink up

what upholds this warmth
light up and give freely
even in this very moment
in the end something has to

to carry the burden
the joy and the solitude
burn brighter, ever brighter
no one will collect the ashes

(2023)

---

grey

joyfully strong and energetic
so they say, enrapt and magnetic
yet under the surface it's lonesome and cold
no one shall see the tears i withhold

beneath those cheerful masks i put on
ask me not can i ever belong
shrouded in mist, obscure and concealing
the single most elusive of feelings

but who can fill it with color
i cannot cut through the haze
and no one else has that power
forever stuck in this maze

the world stood in that one moment still
when you came true to rouse and fulfill
unprecedented your gift to revive
like a force of nature made me alive

every word
every smell
have you heard
can you tell
everything reminds me

every night
every day
out of sight
lost my way
searching that which can't be

but who can fill it with color
i cannot cut through the haze
and no one else has that power
forever stuck in this maze

and i have seen it in color
a glimpse outside of the haze
but only you had that power
why am i stuck this maze

(2023)

---

weight of the world

on the thin line between curse and blessing
we see history through a shattered mirror
hollow echoes and circular questions
and you always ask the impossible

screams like scars etched into my mind
and the most harrowing plea of it all
some tales are better left untold
and you always ask the impossible

with open eyes you fumble in the dark
already forgotten are the when and the how
all these answers lost to the ages
and you always ask the impossible

day after day i reach out to you
all i ever see is your silhouette
standing motionless in the twilight
and you always ask the impossible

when i hold open yet another door
you demand entry to your prison
back into a life where you can fade away
and you always ask the impossible

compelled to lay down in these ruins
only you can dig through the rubble
again and again i hand you the shovel
and you always ask the impossible

once again we stand here together
once more thrown before the gates of fate
we clench our teeth and climb up the stairs
and you always ask the impossible

consider sisyphos, too close to the edge
remember atlas, crushed by the weight
and you always ask the impossible
and you always call my name

(2023)

---

chariot

only the moon can hear my plea
underneath the silver tree
with every fiber in full bloom
by this vision i'm consumed

shining beacon in the night
my eyes devour your firelight
of all the endings i have seen
we are united in my dream

on bright wings to ferry
come chariot, carry
the stars for which we aim
set heavens and my heart aflame
ride like the tempest and whisk me away
wake me, take me, today

growing fierce and visceral
beyond the ephemeral
the sensations we effuse
and a brazen wish set loose

around a truth our souls revolve
behind the walls that soon dissolve
and description we defy
let us tear down the sky

on bright wings to ferry
come chariot, carry
the stars for which we aim
set heavens and my heart aflame
ride like the tempest and whisk me away
wake me, take me, today

(2023)

---

kaleidoscope

within your light like crystal clear
i tread unknown terrain
in every moment i hold dear
the deepest longing burns sincere
shall never be in vain

through day and night i fantasize
determined to explore
mirage, perhaps, i glamorize
thus into action galvanized
and driven to adore

i bask before your stunning sight
exciting, dazzling, rare
entranced on this amazing flight
join hands and rise to dizzy height
we forge the chains we wear

where without maps we navigate
let's chance to take the stage
to yearn, enthuse and liberate
elated heat let radiate
beget a golden age

(2023)

---

liminal

in times of peace that expire too soon
borrowed and volatile respite i'm granted
with anticipation and dread in equal measure
to beginning's end and end's beginning

powerless before such glacial advance
each new day overwhelmed and enmeshed
the rhythm of ambivalence never resolved
lest no one does it is i who must listen

under the force of misplaced tenacity
alternate realities disintegrate to dust
while i stay yet grasping for straws
and when i cry you wonder what reason

i mourn all the moments that you forfeit
wasted away in hindsight forlorn
i dream of the chances lost to standstill
overdue closure so adamantly refused

in this otherworldly calm we persist today
the never again and the almost forever
between the no longer and the not yet
i can but hold watch as you slumber

(2023)

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